Underlying Fear
by borninthemadhouse
Summary: The mind is a truly wonderful thing, developing as the world evolves. For Alexandra Rosalina, her mind is her greatest enemy. Diagnosed as mentally insane at aged 6 years old, she fights to gain control of her mind again. With a new life awaiting, secrets to be revealed and her past slowly re occurring, never would her life be the same again.
1. Chapter 1: Welcome to the Madhouse

**Underlying Fear**

_**Preface**_

Fear. An individual's biggest enemy. It crushes the dreams and hopes of a person just because of the psychological mentality it brings upon someone when confronted with. It is a powerful aura in which we human beings submit ourselves towards, letting it conquer our strength and unleash the coward inside each one of us.

Fear is a nightmare in which the world underestimates. It hovers over today's society like a dark cloud, prepared to drop at the first sign of weakness. As this cloud drops it sends a person's mind into a frenzy creating a bubble of insecurity, failure and puniness, a state that no one enjoys being in.

The world's most dangerous insects, the tallest building in the world, the tightest space and the darkest room. These are just examples of building bricks to something more terrifying. The foundations of one of the world's darkest creations.

There is nothing to fear but fear himself.

**_Chapter 1: Welcome to the Madhouse_**

Madness corrupted the aura of the building, every inch splattered with insanity from the thousand, if not hundreds of innocent eyes that bore from the inside out within the walls and well-built walls as if the construction builders knew that whatever was going to be isolated in this building was to be kept in and never aloud out, for societies own safety and sanity. These eyes belonged to the mentally insane children of Gotham City, the patients of Arkham's Hospital for the Mentally Insane Children.

With no choice and no say in how Gotham City was ran, these were the children which suffered in silence because of the public's demand for the safety of the younger generation, the generation that would hopefully bring peace back to Gotham's world because of the increase in crime, poverty and fear over the last ten years.

Each child in the hospital had their own reasons as to why they were kept in such a place and Alexandra Rosalina was no exception. Her story began in the winter of 1990, the time in which her mental disorder snapped, landing her a rightful spot in Room 242, a well-deserved spot in the secure wing at Arkham. Her case joined the handful of the most confidential cases in the hospital and she became a riddle in which even the most successful Doctors and Psychologists could not solve.

Alexandra, being the intelligent girl she was, knew just how threatened the hospital was by her but she could never understand why. Never, in the fourteen years of her existence to the place was she told of her reasons as to why she was locked up in the secure wing. As she grew older, her mental disorder got easier to control but with control came intelligence. She learned how to control her thoughts, restrain herself from danger when her mind would tell her otherwise and she mastered the power of manipulation, a trait she had borrowed from her dearest 'wing mates' as she liked to call them, or in other words, the other deprived children and teenagers in the secure wing.

Anger arose, awakening every sense inside of Alexandra, blood boiling and her hands clenching into tight fists at the mere thought of her imprisonment which she lived through day in day out. A sentence she had to pay for no crime she had committed. The only things keeping Alexandra's sanity levels in check was her dear neighbour, Mr. No Name as she liked to call him, only because she had no realization of what he was really called and her current and fairly new psychiatrist: Dr. Murphy.

"Hey tiger, you awake?" whispered the husky tone that came from the vent on the wall from beneath the right side of her bed. She let the question linger in the air, imagining for a second all the details about her mystery acquaintance. Realizing her day dreaming had gone on for too long she quickly remembered he was still waiting for her to reply.

"I suffer from insomnia, you know I'm awake."

A childish giggle escaped his mouth and Alexandra did nothing but sigh at his immaturity. Waiting patiently, she let him compose himself before their conversation regained itself.

"I'm sorry, tiger." She smiled at his softness and then strained her face in annoyance. What had he done to find himself locked up in here? Sure, he caused trouble but no patient in the secure wing was ever truly innocent, every one of them was dangerous, even herself.

"It's okay, I forgive you, clown."

The nicknames had been a way of avoiding conflict between the two and anyways, no matter how persistent she was, he never told her his true identity. The name Clown was a simple resemblance of the fact she had never seen this boy in person let alone know who he was. To Alexandra he was a hidden identity behind a wall, a mask even in which she had befriended due to loneliness, always making jokes and trying to lighten a situation, her personal clown. He truly was a friend, her only one at that.

"You know Tiger, I hope you know I mean it when I say, I thank you."

Alexandra raised an eyebrow with confusion.

"For what?" she questioned, her tone implying she truly was curious to know the answer.

He thought about his answer wisely, scurrying his brain for the perfect reply. He knew she would question his sincerity because he never anything serious. Through deep thought he submitted to just being honest.

"For the ac-ceptance you have given me. I've done some ter-rible things, been through some cra-zy things and not once has someone befriended me the way you have, so once again, thank you."

His reply stunned her but she couldn't help but let a small smile settle on her lips.

"I love you Clown, never forget that."

He smiled at her simplicity but nonetheless he couldn't have asked for a better reaction. He rolled over to the left of the bed so he was closer to the vent which was situated a few inches below his head underneath the bed and with one breath whispered.

"I love you too Tiger."

He let his mind drift off into a peaceful slumber and within a few minutes he was fast asleep tired from his every day routine. Dreaming of the day he would escape the hospital and the satisfaction he would get from his doctors screams as he acted upon his revenge in which his doctor deserved, until a piercing scream awoke him from his relaxed state.

"Another nightmare?" he questioned sympathetically to the girl in the room next door.


	2. Chapter 2: Traits

**Chapter 2: Traits**

The night was long for Alexandra, exceedingly long, as her nightmares persisted to make their re-occurring appearances once again. Her dear friend, Mr. No Name, never left her alone through the entirety of yet another attack of his friend's night terrors. He awoke the next morning having had little sleep but his upbeat persona remained in contact because, in his screwed up mind, he felt it was necessary to make sure he was the one person to be there for his friend.

Yawning and stretching her muscles from her lack of sleep, Alexandra lay in her bed reminiscing the nightmares she had had the night before and after three loud threatening bashes on her door and a very impatient guard ordering Alexandra to get dressed as she had an appointment with Dr. Murphy in precisely half an hour, she groaned in frustration and finally, obediently, got up and got dressed into her usual orange overalls that belonged to the hospital.

She sat on the wooden chair which matched the also wooden desk which paired together rather nicely in her room and looked at herself in the mirror placed in front of her in the middle of the desk. You could see the insomnia which Alexandra suffered from because of her night terrors through the darks rings under her mysterious gaze. She studied herself closely, as if the girl in the mirror was the patient and Alexandra was the doctor out to cure for a change and through a lot of scrutinizing concluded that the girl was definitely lost, lost in her fears, lost in her body and lost in her mind.

A beam of light cascaded through Alexandra's room through a long, sleek, plastic window which was placed just below the beginning of the ceiling and stopped just after a few centimetres of wall, this frustrated Alexandra greatly at the distrust the doctors had with her and within a few seconds her anger was replaced with confusion. Why was she such a threat to the world? What made Alexandra so dangerous that she could never be in the company with her fellow 'wing mates' but instead had to spend her days alone? Her gaze wandered back to the lost girl in the mirror and simply said out loud:

"You have so many questions yet no one to answer them; you indeed are a lost little tiger."

The noise of someone clicking their tongue came from the vent inside her wall and swiftly she sat up from her wooden chair and grabbed her hairbrush, tugging at the dark mass of curls on top of her head furiously.

"What is it clown?" she demanded, frustrated that he had disrupted her thoughts while she tried to solve the riddle which the mirror reflected.

"I'm hurt with your tone!" He winced sarcastically towards the hostility in which his friend portrayed; clearly she was annoyed at him.

"Oh stop your whining or I'll make you regret ever befriending me!"

Mr. No Name laughed hysterically at his friend's attempt of what she called a threat; clearly she had never been introduced to the Crime Underworld of Gotham City.

"Harsh, _very_ harsh tiger. This. Is. Not, how you should be thanking someone who in which stayed up _all _night with you, making sure your san-ity stayed in check." He accentuated some of his words making sure she understood the implications of what had happened to her last night.

Alexandra paused for a moment, realization of the true words of her friend sinking in and guilt overruling her. The thought of her friend helping her last night had totally slipped her mind and it truly made her regret the attitude in which she had just took upon him.

"I'm sorry clown, I shouldn't have reacted that way after last night and for that I am very grateful of you. Let's start again shall we? Now, why were you tutting at me just before I almost about bit your head off?"

Mr. No Name laughed again, quietly this time, at his friend's all of a sudden change in mood. This specific trait of hers intrigued his, not-so-normal, mind in a way that he only wished for more. He wanted to know more about her, to know as to why she was assigned to this cursed place for the insane, especially the secure wing, he wanted to know what was so dangerous about her that she had landed herself in the room next to his? He forced himself to get out of his head and to step back into reality, knowing his friend was still waiting on his answer.

"Oh, only because you called _yourself_ tiger, only _I _get to call you that."

She smiled at the protectiveness tone in which he used to annunciate the word 'I' and for some odd reason, she liked that thought. Not knowing whether he noticed how possessive he seemed, she teased him otherwise.

"Protective aren't we?"

His eyes narrowed with beaten rage at her attempt to use his skill against him. He was the one to make the jokes, never her, but being the unpredictable gentlemen he was he decided to catch her off guard.

"Maybe I am." He stated as nonchalantly as he could, nervously waiting for her reaction through the other side of the wall.

Alexandra's breath caught in her thought at his sudden honesty, too much honesty she thought. Her mind raced trying to configure a smart enough response to the boy next door when suddenly a male guard unlocked her door, slamming it open while indicating to his watch that it was time to leave for her appointment with Dr. Murphy, her new psychiatrist. She hesitated for a moment but decided to just proceed to her session with the guard, avoiding embarrassment seemed like the smartest thing to do.

Hearing Alexandra leave with the guard to her session with her doctor, Mr. No Name smiled triumphantly at his own personal trait; unpredictability. It never ceased to fail him.


	3. Chapter 3: The Attack

**Chapter 3: The Attack**

The black handcuffs dug deeply into the fragile skin of Alexandra's wrists as the guard tugged the chain harshly which was bonded between the cuffs, trying to prevent her from slowing down as she was falling behind the two of them. Alexandra's lack of sleep from the night before was definitely portraying its negative effects as she tried her best to withstand the need to close her eyes as she slowly paced the halls of the secure wing. The atmosphere surrounding the wing caused her to yawn greatly as she returned her gaze to the guard in front of her and couldn't help but stare at the chain between them both. There was no such word as freedom for Alexandra as she was as helpless as a little tiger in a cage, hidden away from the big bad world, or hidden from the risk of contributing to the bad which is in this world?

Alexandra furrowed her eyebrows in deep thought, rummaging through her brain collecting all of the knowledge which she knew about her life so far. She questioned herself on every topic she could: childhood, school, friends and family until an excruciating pulse of pain radiated its way through her head and began to emit through her entire body, making her stop in her tracks, her body overcome with pain.

She quickly received another tug from the guard and she had no choice but to force herself to move, blanking out the pain which continued to wave throughout her body. An array of noise echoed from the halls, interrupting the once quiet atmosphere that surrounded both the guard and Alexandra. A nervous expression painted upon the use-to-be brute guard's face and he all of a sudden started to pace, faster, through the halls. The pain from before vanished and panic overtook Alexandra's mind, running through the many possibilities of what the chaos could be until a stranger, most likely a fellow wing mate, stopped her in her tracks from behind causing the guard to halt to a sudden stop also.

The stranger's cuffs were cold against Alexandra's bare neck as they touched it ever so slightly causing a shiver to run up her spine. The guard warned the stranger to let her go or there would be consequences to his actions but he did not respond. A closed book, not one thing would he give away, nothing to lead her to the knowing of who her threat was. Alexandra chuckled darkly as she realized one thing: She did not know of any of Arkham's patient's. The stranger was wasting his time playing his mind games with her.

Her chuckle shocked bother the stranger and the guard, causing them both to look at her. Then, without warning, the guard lifted his gun aiming it at both Alexandra and her attacker.

"Freaks! The pair of use!" the guard scowled as he slowly backed away from the patients who lived in the secure wing of Arkham's Hospital for the Mentally Insane Children, realizing just who and where he was surrounded by the guard hurried off. The attacker quickly directed his victim out of clear view of the guards that would soon follow from the chase the attacker had provided them.

The handcuffs remained where they were but gently enough only to leave a red mark, not any measure injury on Alexandra, this she was thankful for. The stranger remained closely behind her, both their breathing being the only noise able enough to hear from their sudden rush of adrenaline which they both had conjured a few moments earlier. Slowly, the attacker leant closer to Alexandra's ear and softly whispered:

"I'm sorry I had to do that, but I had to talk to you before I left." The stranger stopped, waiting for a response on the frozen girl he had just stolen and when she lightly nodded her head indicating that he should continue he watched her for a second, taking in the moment as it would be the first and last, for the time being he promised himself.

"I'm here to say _goodbye_." The stranger, once again, whispered

Alexandra's eyes widened with rage and she found the courage within herself to fight back with her attacker but his strength overpowered her tired body and she simply surrendered.

"All of that, just for a good bye. I don't even know you. I don't know anyone in this place!" she hissed through clenched teeth as the rage she felt for the wing mate behind her grew more as she said each word.

"I'm hurt, tiger."

The familiar sarcastic whine caused Alexandra's stomach to jump into her throat as a slight gasp escaped her lips. He simply placed his hands over her eyes and turned her towards him so he could see who he had befriended for all the years he had been a patient in the hospital. He brushed a strand of her curls which had fallen over her face from the struggle behind her ear and softly whispered for the last time.

"Thank you, for _ev-ery-thing_, I shall see you _very_ soon, tiger."

Without warning her placed a delicate kiss on her left cheek lingering their when her lips twitched into a small but sweet smile. He slipped a small envelope into her pocket and then he was gone.


	4. Chapter 4: Lost in Wonderland

**Chapter 4: Wonderland is no Place like Home**

He was gone. He was the only friend she had ever had the chance to make and he was gone. Gone, so sudden, she never quite got the chance to analyse her feelings about it. One part of Alexandra was convincing her that he was a criminal, a very dangerous one to be kept in the secure wing, he didn't deserve her happiness towards his escape but the other part of her, almost, missed him for he was one of the few strings of hope left for her. Fear overwhelmed her senses. The thought of having to spend her days well and truly alone petrified her. No one to speak to, no one to help keep her insanity at a level which she could control, no one to help her through her night terror attacks and simply no one to make her happy. The boy who she took for granted every day, her clown, had left her for the freedom which she longer for. Betrayal washed over her and her eyes dared to break free of the salty water she had tasted too many times before.

"Deep breathes in. Deep breathes out. Inhale. Exhale." She repeated to herself, remembering everything which Dr. Murphy had taught her. Her thoughts raced as she took the time to compose herself and be rid of the weakness she was feeling.

"_Look at yourself. Look at what you're doing. Look at how __**weak**__ you have become. Look at what __**he**__ has done to you. Look at what __**everyone**__ has done to you. You don't deserve this. Not. One. Bit. They can't stand your power, no, they are__** afraid**__ of it. Think of everything you could achieve if you remembered. __**Remember **__Alexandra. The power within you is much greater than you understand; __**you**__ are something greater which you don't understand. This place is __**no**__ place for someone as powerful as __**you**__. The lingering questions that __**fear**__ have stopped you from asking, __**it's time**__. It's time to __**demand **__all those answers. No. Matter. What."_

That voice. Alexandra knew it all too well. Ever since she was a child the voice had consumed her mind toying with it, sucking every inch of sanity left from her innocent brain. Usually, the control which Alexandra had would stop the voice from entering her thoughts, but now, it was too late. Fear had dropped its cloud and its target was Alexandra. The voice she had pushed away so many times before had now slithered its way through the thin crack of weakness that had emerged from the loss of her clown.

"Go away! Please. I don't want this. Just. Go. Away." Alexandra said through each sharp breath which she took. A dark giggle soared through her mind and Alexandra brought her hands up to her ears covering them tightly with desperation, hoping that the voice would go away while she slowly slid down the wall behind her. She threw her head back repeatedly hitting the wall, hoping that the pain would overpower and blank out the dark chuckle emanating from the most corrupted part of her brain.

"_The anger you feel is not for me, but a dear __**friend**__. Don't be mad at me. Be mad at __**him**__. __**He**__ brought this pain onto you. I am simply here to help. The only friend who won't __**ever**__ leave you. Whenever you break, I am here to help things heal again. He, no. He is a boy, __**toying**__ with your feelings, playing games with your __**mind**__, __**distracting**__ you of your __**true**__ power and your __**true**__ self. They're all. The. Same."_

An angered scream threatened to erupt from Alexandra's mouth as the voice talked causing her to close her eyes shut with all the strength she had. Its words infuriated her. They caused doubt. Doubt that maybe what the voice said was indeed true and the doubt only caused the crack of weakness inside Alexandra to grow wider.

"Miss Rosalina, stop." The concerned voice made Alexandra's eyes dart open, only to be met with her psychiatrist: Dr. Murphy. She darted her eyes to her right shoulder where his hand was held and returned her gaze back up to him. She searched his eyes looking for confirmation that she was safe.

"It's okay Alex. I'm here."

The sincere tone in his voice caused Alexandra to break down completely. The simple day planned for her had turned into a day when she lost her everything good. Lost. She was now lost, more than she had ever been, like Alice just trying to find her out of Wonderland or Dorothy searching for her way back home. Dr. Murphy knew all too well of Alexandra's case and everything she was capable of but this did not faze him. He could see through the girl in which the hospital couldn't. He could see how broken and lost she truly had become and this thought something crossed his mind.

"Come here." He ushered, his arms already open for Alexandra. She buried herself into him. The sobs of tears escaping her eyes and the whimpers escaping her mouth caused Dr. Murphy to break inside. Gently while stroking her hair, he hushed her softly telling her that he would make her better. He would help Alice out of Wonderland, he would return Dorothy back to Kansas, no matter what.


End file.
